Friday, August 22, 2008
Life's Mysteries
How can it be that there is no pickle relish in Yankee Stadium? It is a hot dog tragedy...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Public Service Announcement
The narcissistic personality disorder support group will soon be meeting at 51 Garden Street in Hoboken. The discussion topic of the upcoming meeting: Why I am more important than you. If time permits, the second portion of the discussion will focus on why nobody else's needs matter.
The group has not met since 1988, but hope to soon find a time which will put all of the extremely important members' schedules first.
The group has not met since 1988, but hope to soon find a time which will put all of the extremely important members' schedules first.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Stay Tuned
Once I have returned to my dear old New York, New York, I am setting off for an extended weekend with friends on Fire Island!
I'll most certainly have tales to tell upon my return and will be thinking of you, my dear readers, as I flit from one beach party to another.
Life is good!
Tootles
I'll most certainly have tales to tell upon my return and will be thinking of you, my dear readers, as I flit from one beach party to another.
Life is good!
Tootles
Kinko's 90210*
Those of you who follow my business travels know for a fact that I am often sent to the most undesirable US locations possible - Richmond, VA; Memphis, TN; Harrisburg, PA; a small tent on the plains outside of Kansas City (ok, so perhaps I am exaggerating just a tad bit with that last one...)
That is why it was with simultaneous delight and revulsion when, at 10PM yesterday evening, after spending 24 hours literally writing a client proposal and most of the weekend working on another, I was informed that I needed to be in Los Angeles for a one hour meeting at 4PM (PT) the next afternoon.
I was even more thrilled when, upon requesting the exact address, I was informed that the client site was none other than smack dab in the middle of Beverly Hills, just a stone's throw from Rodeo Drive.
Jackpot!
Better yet, I was asked to attend a three hour business lunch at a local Italian restaurant to "prepare" for the meeting (read: eat way too much and speak about anything but the subject at hand).
How could it be, that I was asked to cross the country in my oh so unglamorous lifestyle (albeit via business class and limousine service), to discuss such an un-sexy subject, in such a fabulously sexy location?!? And with only a small price to pay - a quick limo stop by Kinko's 90210 to pick up some documents on the way to my business lunch. There was even window shopping galore on the leisurely stroll towards the client site.
We did not even get to my subject in the meeting, and so I spent the entire time looking down at Cartier and Chanel.
I know I won't be feeling this way when I arrive in NYC on the redeye tomorrow morning, but in the meantime, life in consulting, for once, is beautiful!
* For my foreign readers, 90210 is the zip code for Beverly Hills, California
That is why it was with simultaneous delight and revulsion when, at 10PM yesterday evening, after spending 24 hours literally writing a client proposal and most of the weekend working on another, I was informed that I needed to be in Los Angeles for a one hour meeting at 4PM (PT) the next afternoon.
I was even more thrilled when, upon requesting the exact address, I was informed that the client site was none other than smack dab in the middle of Beverly Hills, just a stone's throw from Rodeo Drive.
Jackpot!
Better yet, I was asked to attend a three hour business lunch at a local Italian restaurant to "prepare" for the meeting (read: eat way too much and speak about anything but the subject at hand).
How could it be, that I was asked to cross the country in my oh so unglamorous lifestyle (albeit via business class and limousine service), to discuss such an un-sexy subject, in such a fabulously sexy location?!? And with only a small price to pay - a quick limo stop by Kinko's 90210 to pick up some documents on the way to my business lunch. There was even window shopping galore on the leisurely stroll towards the client site.
We did not even get to my subject in the meeting, and so I spent the entire time looking down at Cartier and Chanel.
I know I won't be feeling this way when I arrive in NYC on the redeye tomorrow morning, but in the meantime, life in consulting, for once, is beautiful!
* For my foreign readers, 90210 is the zip code for Beverly Hills, California
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Roach Attack!
I like nice, hot, steamy, long showers. Apparently, so do the roaches in my building. Yesterday, bath towel-bound, I waltzed back in to my bathroom after my shower to see a large roach scuttling across the floor. I reached for the readily available can of Raid and began to liberally spray, and spray, and spray as the roach ran across the floor seeking shelter, ultimately falling unconscious in my trash can.
I then looked up, only to see a parade of giant roaches waltzing down the steam pipe right into the heart of my bathroom. Now, imagine the events that I am about to describe as though they happened in slow motion...
I aimed the Raid at the opening of the pipe in the ceiling. Unfortunately, there was one fatal flaw with my plan. I was shooting Raid at flying roaches...
...one of which flew on to my bathrobe on the back of my bathroom door. The other of which flew directly at me and landed on my chest, right above where my bath towel was tied around me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and violently brushed off the roach which seemed to be enjoying his little run round my chest, which in reality probably lasted one second but felt like at least thirty. I then aggressively pursued him with an incredibly liberal spray of Raid until he at least had flipped over onto his back.
The other roach made a getaway towards my front door, pausing within the heel of my architectural sandals. God forbid I spray them with Raid. I tried to stop his running by stepping in front of him with my bedroom slippers on, but the little bugger was not afraid. He ran and ran through my extensive shoe collection until he had almost made it to the front door, where I drowned both him and my doormat in Raid.
By the time the ordeal was over I had doused my apartment in so much bug killer that I had to open the doors and windows. Not to mention the second shower I had to take to wash off my chest. I then liberally applied roach kiling gel, boric acid, and additional Raid in my bathroom, and disinfected every surface in sight. So far, no new sightings, but one never knows...
I then looked up, only to see a parade of giant roaches waltzing down the steam pipe right into the heart of my bathroom. Now, imagine the events that I am about to describe as though they happened in slow motion...
I aimed the Raid at the opening of the pipe in the ceiling. Unfortunately, there was one fatal flaw with my plan. I was shooting Raid at flying roaches...
...one of which flew on to my bathrobe on the back of my bathroom door. The other of which flew directly at me and landed on my chest, right above where my bath towel was tied around me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and violently brushed off the roach which seemed to be enjoying his little run round my chest, which in reality probably lasted one second but felt like at least thirty. I then aggressively pursued him with an incredibly liberal spray of Raid until he at least had flipped over onto his back.
The other roach made a getaway towards my front door, pausing within the heel of my architectural sandals. God forbid I spray them with Raid. I tried to stop his running by stepping in front of him with my bedroom slippers on, but the little bugger was not afraid. He ran and ran through my extensive shoe collection until he had almost made it to the front door, where I drowned both him and my doormat in Raid.
By the time the ordeal was over I had doused my apartment in so much bug killer that I had to open the doors and windows. Not to mention the second shower I had to take to wash off my chest. I then liberally applied roach kiling gel, boric acid, and additional Raid in my bathroom, and disinfected every surface in sight. So far, no new sightings, but one never knows...
I'm Impressed...
...that you fools have been coming back to my blog week after week despite the lack of new content. Thanks for being fans. Never fear - although I have not quite been myself lately I am most certainly back for good, sarcasm and all.
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