Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Bebemoche Goes To Gym For First Time In Ten Years
That's correct. My workday was so bad, the second worst in my professional career, that I headed over to a gym to work it off! And I had not set foot in a gym since 1997.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Bebemoche Accepts Date With Man "Lacking Trash Disposal Skills" And "Working On Criminal Record"
Stay tuned for more ugly details... Between this and my wingman role, entries should be getting pretty trashy again some time in the near future
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Everybody Read: Vive La France
Vive La France, yet another one of the amazing blogs that I link to.
Is a nine-hundred pound canary a mean motherfucker?
Is a nine-hundred pound canary a mean motherfucker?
Bebemoche Fails At Attempt To Sabotage Online Profile
I am sorry to report that my freakish profile (featured again below, for anyone who might have forgotten the vivid imagery) has failed to deter new "dates" from contacting me on ivyleague.com.
Attention The Best and The Brightest: 34 year old pagan seeks companion under age 85. You can read, are proficient in trash disposal, believe in crystal power, and summer in East Hampton. Criminal record not frowned upon. Drop me and my 25 cats a line. NY metro area
One would imagine that at the very least I would receive some sort of entertaining response such as: "Which gods do you worship?" or "When can I meet the cats in East Hampton?"
But no.
The mail reads, "I like your profile."
Yet another man who will never know my real name...
Attention The Best and The Brightest: 34 year old pagan seeks companion under age 85. You can read, are proficient in trash disposal, believe in crystal power, and summer in East Hampton. Criminal record not frowned upon. Drop me and my 25 cats a line. NY metro area
One would imagine that at the very least I would receive some sort of entertaining response such as: "Which gods do you worship?" or "When can I meet the cats in East Hampton?"
But no.
The mail reads, "I like your profile."
Yet another man who will never know my real name...
Friday, August 10, 2007
Quotations From An Evening Of Job Search And Gin
RV: "'Six sigma' is definitely a red flag term in a job posting... Wow! Look at all these black belts! What is this, a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie?"
------------------------------
RV: "I should not have given you a gin and tonic, because now you can not take Tylenol."
Bebemoche: "Don't worry. I just took Tylenol and chased it with a gin and tonic."
------------------------------
RV: "I should not have given you a gin and tonic, because now you can not take Tylenol."
Bebemoche: "Don't worry. I just took Tylenol and chased it with a gin and tonic."
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Sex Sells
Yes, indeed. I get quite a few more hits when writing semi-scandalous dating tales... How's that for off the chart visits and page views?
I almost feel as though I should continue to go out with complete losers if only to entertain my reader base. (Something tells me I don't have much of a choice, anyway)
Saturday, August 04, 2007
"I'm From New York"
On my latest fascinating consulting project, I've been traveling to pretty much a different city every week. My manager keeps us on our toes by always identifying both the city and the travel dates at the absolute last minute and after all of the good hotels are full. It is therefore no wonder that by now I am a little bit testy. (ok, so perhaps I have always been testy...)
There have been some great moments. One of my recent experiences will live on in project folklore for years to come, long after I have left my crappy firm.
I was in Chicago's O'Hare airport on a Thursday evening. The terminal was packed to the gills with extremely irritated and impatient people, including yours truly. The line for check-in using the machines was about 50 people long, and there was some nondescript midwestern man three times my size (let's call him MM, because he was shaped like one) standing in front of me, wearing plaid and khaki, asking me random questions about how to get through security (200 person line) the fastest way.
We slowly advanced towards check-in.
S - l - o - w - l - y
...and voila! After 10 minutes, MM came to be the front of the line. The problem was, he was as stupid as he looked. There was an open check-in machine right smack dab in front of him and he was not moving. I hesitated for a moment hoping he would roll himself over there, and then said "I believe that machine is open" in a not necessarily hostile way.
MM sneered and snapped "I have already asked [the airline rep] about it two times and she said it is not working."
(which was total bullshit)
So, I verly loudly, unapologetically, and dismissively said, "I'm from New York"
MM's head turned around in slow motion and gave me the look of death.
I snickered.
There have been some great moments. One of my recent experiences will live on in project folklore for years to come, long after I have left my crappy firm.
I was in Chicago's O'Hare airport on a Thursday evening. The terminal was packed to the gills with extremely irritated and impatient people, including yours truly. The line for check-in using the machines was about 50 people long, and there was some nondescript midwestern man three times my size (let's call him MM, because he was shaped like one) standing in front of me, wearing plaid and khaki, asking me random questions about how to get through security (200 person line) the fastest way.
We slowly advanced towards check-in.
S - l - o - w - l - y
...and voila! After 10 minutes, MM came to be the front of the line. The problem was, he was as stupid as he looked. There was an open check-in machine right smack dab in front of him and he was not moving. I hesitated for a moment hoping he would roll himself over there, and then said "I believe that machine is open" in a not necessarily hostile way.
MM sneered and snapped "I have already asked [the airline rep] about it two times and she said it is not working."
(which was total bullshit)
So, I verly loudly, unapologetically, and dismissively said, "I'm from New York"
MM's head turned around in slow motion and gave me the look of death.
I snickered.
Online Dating Recovery Program
I've also entered the 12-step* online dating recovery program, otherwise known as being alone and therefore having much more enjoyable Friday nights.
Step one - Ensure there is an adequate supply of gin in apartment (Check)
* My steps might be considered unorthodox...
Step one - Ensure there is an adequate supply of gin in apartment (Check)
* My steps might be considered unorthodox...
My New Online Dating Profile
After some serious thought, I realized that perhaps the problem with ivyleague.com was all with me. I don't think I have been doing myself justice in my short profile. So, I made some updates today (for real) which I think better reflect who I am and what I am seeking:
Attention The Best and The Brightest: 34 year old pagan seeks companion under age 85. You can read, are proficient in trash disposal, believe in crystal power, and summer in East Hampton. Criminal record not frowned upon. Drop me and my 25 cats a line. NY metro area
Thursday, August 02, 2007
What Was It About Yesterday?
After my exhausting Chicago day that started off so well, I returned to New York only to walk into baggage claim and see that for the upteenth time my limo driver was not waiting for me.
I was furious and immediately placed a nasty call to the dispatcher, informing the company that after the ride I was waiting for they were officially fired, in no uncertain terms.
They patched me through to the driver, for whom I had few words, specifically, the words "WHERE ARE YOU?"
Lo and behold, when the driver did appear 15 minutes later, he happened to be quite the handsome young fellow. He apologized profusely even as I unloaded my many bags onto him without a word. At the end of the ride he gave me his personal card and a wink, promising that if I called and requested him he would be 30 minutes early every time.
Arrrghhhhh.
I was furious and immediately placed a nasty call to the dispatcher, informing the company that after the ride I was waiting for they were officially fired, in no uncertain terms.
They patched me through to the driver, for whom I had few words, specifically, the words "WHERE ARE YOU?"
Lo and behold, when the driver did appear 15 minutes later, he happened to be quite the handsome young fellow. He apologized profusely even as I unloaded my many bags onto him without a word. At the end of the ride he gave me his personal card and a wink, promising that if I called and requested him he would be 30 minutes early every time.
Arrrghhhhh.
Vegetarian Quotes Of The Week
"I've finally, seriously cut the meat out of my diet....uh, except for those Swedish meatballs yesterday."
"I just did something really hateful to my body. I ate a slice of stuffed pizza, stuffed with sausage and pepperoni."
--Vegetarians of convenience
"I just did something really hateful to my body. I ate a slice of stuffed pizza, stuffed with sausage and pepperoni."
--Vegetarians of convenience
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
A Gentleman Indeed
Last night in Chicago, I slept like a baby in a real bed, in a gorgeous hotel, after a nice meal... For the first time in weeks I woke up refreshed and without a hangover. The sun was shining, I did not have any early morning deadlines...I took my time with my room service breakfast, watched a little VH1 for some morning music, and eventually dragged myself out of bed and out of my comfy hotel bathrobe to prepare for the workday.
At 8:30 AM, I made my way downstairs to the taxi queue. Unfortunately there were quite a few people in line, and cabs were arriving very slowly. The doorman was not making any real effort to speed the progress of the line, either. And so, I started chit-chatting with the two people in front of me in line: a lady who described herself as "short but mean" and a rather distinguished looking gentleman in a pinstriped suit.
It turned out that the gentleman was going to the same part of town as I was. He was a man of my father's age, maybe older. He offered to share his cab, and I accepted given the fact that I was concerned about arriving on-time for my 9 AM meeting.
After a few minutes, the next cab arrived. The ride was uneventful. I asked the gentleman where he worked. He mentioned his daughter living in New York. And then, it came time for him to get out of the cab. He attempted to offer me $10 in cash for the $5 ride, and of course I refused, stating that I would simply charge the cab to my client.
He insisted, and then said, "Can I offer you $100s? Is there any denomination that you will accept?"
At 8:30 AM, I made my way downstairs to the taxi queue. Unfortunately there were quite a few people in line, and cabs were arriving very slowly. The doorman was not making any real effort to speed the progress of the line, either. And so, I started chit-chatting with the two people in front of me in line: a lady who described herself as "short but mean" and a rather distinguished looking gentleman in a pinstriped suit.
It turned out that the gentleman was going to the same part of town as I was. He was a man of my father's age, maybe older. He offered to share his cab, and I accepted given the fact that I was concerned about arriving on-time for my 9 AM meeting.
After a few minutes, the next cab arrived. The ride was uneventful. I asked the gentleman where he worked. He mentioned his daughter living in New York. And then, it came time for him to get out of the cab. He attempted to offer me $10 in cash for the $5 ride, and of course I refused, stating that I would simply charge the cab to my client.
He insisted, and then said, "Can I offer you $100s? Is there any denomination that you will accept?"
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