No, I'm not dead, but for all you pathetic gropers who should never have been admitted to Princeton, the individual who would wear Tevas and a bright yellow shirt on a first date, jealous neighbors who mistakenly think they look like Carrie Fisher when they actually look like a crumpled up lunchbag, bitchy relatives, masters of casual sexism, morons who live in a certain town in upstate NY, and any exes who may be reading, get the hell off of my blog. I mean, I know my wit is alluring, but perhaps it is time for you to move on in your desperately miserable lives.
I await showers of praise from you, lone remaining reader
[2026: This post has been edited to remove a reference to someone who turned out to be an asshole, even if they were not initially remembered as such]
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