Llamas: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

1999, Centre d’Affaires du Bois de Jouy, Jouy-en-Josas, France

Bebemoche slips a llama ransom letter under the door. $50,000 cash, or the llama dies laid out on the page in letters cut out of magazines. The portrait of a virile llama with a slight Latino flair, one single tear drawn in the corner of its eye, adorning the center of the anonymous note. Only one other person was in on the secret extortion attempt.

Several days beforehand

An innocent young colleague, Gregory*, and I attend a lunch with a new member of our management team. Tall, German, with a commanding presence, a compulsive liar with a Harley and a minimal IQ, Dieter was insupportable. Our lunch started with the usual awkwardness of a business lunch, nobody knowing where to draw the line between the personal and the professional.

But then, out of the blue, Dieter let us in on one of his most intimate, uninteresting, and potentially fictitious secrets: For over one hour he told us about his plan to become a llama millionaire.

Dieter had imported a prizewinning South American** male llama in order to breed thoroughbred llamas on one of his purported llama farms, formed with partners in The United States. Llamas made good pets for girls, they ate all the weeds in the garden, they went for a hefty price of thousands, and, best of all, the current supply of llamas in The United States was severely limited.

Llamas, llamas, llamas, llamas, llamas…more than one hour of llamas and llama benefits and all Gregory and I could do was try to keep straight faces and finally make some pathetic excuse to politely excuse ourselves….but not before swearing ourselves to the utmost SECRECY

2006, Maryville, Tennessee, USA

My best friend Marian has just purchased a farm. What better way to rid the garden of weeds than to adopt some llamas from the llama rescue. Apparently, the llama boom of the late nineties was short-lived and llamas have gone out of style and into refuge.

When I eventually have the opportunity to meet Marian’s new llamas, I will dream of their special South American heritage and German uncle Dieter.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent
**I forget the exact national origin of said llama