Bebemoche Still Reeling From Trip To Northern Arkansas

Something was afoul. The beady eyes of the dead and stuffed reflected the fluorescent lights of baggage claims 1-4 (the only baggage claims) in the Springfield, Missouri airport.

Oh, those craaazy critters just love shopping at the Bass Pro Shops

It was Sunday evening, and I still had 2 hours more of driving to reach our hotel, the Bass-fishing-themed Big Cedar resort. Nothing could have made the journey more unpleasant, well, nothing besides the fact that I had not only been asked to arrive on a Sunday (10.5 hours of travel), but I was asked to share the last leg of the voyage, a 2 hour car ride, with my boss.

Highlights of the trip:
- The impressive dead, stuffed animal population. They were everywhere, and some were even clothed. The first and last time I'll ever see a raccoon in a baseball cap
- Hot airport shopping during layover in Cincinnati
- Invitations to the concealed handgun carrying course in September
- Keeping a low profile in the Hummer that boss-man insisted on renting (Bonus: It was oh so fuel-efficient!)
- LARGE flies, spiders, and unidentifiable bugs in the log cabin style room
- Avoiding late night client interaction in the "Buzzards Bar"
- The fact that it poured rain the entire time
- Forced scenic detour through Branson
- 16 hours of client workshops. 20+ hours of travel
- No cellphone reception, so cries for help could not even be transmitted to civilization
- Room next to the boss-man's. I was instructed that "[he] had better not hear any noise coming from my room in the middle of the night"
- Learning about the National Truck Driving Championships
- Being treated like a space alien (high heels, tailored clothing, and silk scarves do not appear in the wardrobes of the "natives")
- Channeling Dog the bounty hunter*
- The privilege of being in the hometown of the Klu Klux Klan
- The food poisoning from the trout dumplings. While the dumplings are long gone, the nausea remains

In summary: I have found hell. It is in Northern Arkansas.

* OK, so maybe I like to do that in New York, too...