My New Pets

Since my 25 cats helped me find a fabulous boyfriend, I had pretty much written-off the idea of cohabitating with any organism that does not walk upright. That was, until I discovered a late night visitor early Sunday AM, when I was violently ill and forced to head to my bathroom.

Imagine my shock and dismay, in that moment of panic and pain, to see a 2.5 inch cockroach sitting in the center of my sink as though he was relaxing on the French Riviera.

I had enough presence of mind to spray him with so much Raid that there was no possibility of his survival. I then trapped him under a plastic take out container, and watched him die in the poison fumes as I resumed being violently ill.

He was not the first late night visitor to be spotted recently in the vicinity, his predecessor being found lying on his back dead in the doorway. Needless to say, I do not make walks to the bathroom in the dark anymore, have disinfected multiple times, and, thanks to my painkillers, constantly imagine that any of the dark spots on my beautiful hardwood floors may spring to life and attack.

Especially since, later that morning, as I leaned forward while brushing my teeth, one of his compatriots scurried along the bottom of my medicine cabinet only inches from my face.

I screamed.

...and then made an immediate trip across the street to the grocery to purchase every roach-killing product known to man. My super has now fixed the leak under my sink, a roach attractor, and I am officially kicking off Operation Roachkill as soon as I have the nerve to return to my apartment, where I imagine there has been a huge roachfest going on since I left.

Wish me luck.


Note bene: Boyfriend and resident of the often-slighted state of New Jersey insists that no such pest exists in The Garden State. I would argue that they have simply flocked to the numerous waste dumps in NJ...